Start with the person, not the category
Black women are not one type. They are different ages, come from different places, work in different jobs and want different things from a relationship. The same is true of the women on any dating site. Read each profile properly before you write to her, and let what she says about herself guide what you say.
Writing a first message that gets a reply
A good first message is short, specific and easy to answer. Mention something from her profile, ask one question and sign off with your name. Skip the copy-and-paste lines: people can tell.
"You mentioned you love cooking for friends. What is the dish everyone asks you to make?"
"Your profile says you travel when you can. Where was your favorite trip?"
If she does not reply, let it go. A second message that repeats the first rarely helps, and pushing never does.
Keeping the conversation going
- Ask, then listen. Follow up on what she tells you rather than moving on to your next question.
- Be honest about what you want. If you are looking for a long term relationship, say so. If you are not sure, say that.
- Do not rush. Talk about who you are before you ask for photos or a meeting.
- Share something real about yourself. A conversation that goes both ways feels much safer than an interview.
Do some learning on your own
If you are not Black, or have not dated a Black woman before, read about Black history and culture before you ask her to explain it. Questions about her own life and experiences are welcome. Questions that ask her to speak for every Black person are not, and she should not have to teach you. Show that you have made an effort, then listen when she chooses to share more.
When race comes up
Race may come up early or late, and it comes up differently for every couple. When it does, listen more than you speak. Her experiences may be different from yours, and the most helpful reply is usually "thank you for telling me", not an argument or an explanation of why it is not like that. You do not have to agree with every view to take it seriously.
Support her goals
Many women say they want a partner who is interested in their ambitions, not only in their looks. Ask about her work, her plans and what she is proud of. Being glad about her successes costs nothing and says a lot about you.
What to avoid
- Stereotypes. Do not assume what she is like, what she likes or how she will behave because of her race.
- Comments on her body, skin or hair in a first message. Compliment something she chose to share, such as her humor or her photos from a trip.
- Treating her as a type. "I only date Black women" can sound like you are interested in a category, not her. Show that you have read what she wrote.
- Pressure. If she says no, or stops replying, that is her answer.
Family, friends and other people's opinions
If you are dating across backgrounds, you may meet comments from relatives, friends or strangers. It helps to talk about it early, agree how you want to respond and back each other up. How you handle it together matters more than the comment itself. Introduce each other to family and friends when you both feel ready, not before.
Meeting in person
Talk for a while before you meet, so you both know what to expect. For a first date, choose a public place and tell a friend where you will be. You can chat on Ebony Amour without giving out your phone number, so there is no need to hurry that step.
First date ideas that take the pressure off
- Coffee or a walk, so you can talk and leave easily if either of you wants to.
- A local market, a museum or a free event, so there is something to talk about besides each other.
- A meal at a place she suggests. Ask what she would enjoy, and let her choose.
Whatever you pick, arrive on time, put your phone away and ask questions you want the answers to.
Where to meet single Black women
Ebony Amour is a Black and interracial dating community, so people join knowing who it is for. Joining is free. You can build a profile, search by location and interests and send messages. A few features help you decide who to trust and who to talk to:
- Members can verify their profile, and a verified tick shows on it.
- Every member has a rating that other members can vote on.
- Members who reliably reply earn a badge, so you can see who is responsive.
- Explicit images are blurred automatically, so each member chooses what to view.
- Every profile has a report button.
For more on how the site works, see how to meet Black women on Ebony Amour or the full list of features.